Loving is actual a mistake!

Everything dies inside of me every time i see you...
Every time you smile, you are happy, or sad.
Every part of me wants to believe this is just a game, that Satan wants me to play.
But my heart is beating so fast... with every smile of yours.
My lungs are short of breath and my hands are getting wet.
I'm trying to convince myself that I'll suffer. That I'll die inside, again... like every time.
How can I do it? How can I care less about you? Not seeking for your presence? For your small eyes? How can I do that?
How can I convince myself I'm doing a mistake again?
How can I tell my heart that LOVING is an actual mistake?!
Just how...